One last look at this matterheart

Song of the Hour : The Stranger, Leonard Cohen

Whatever it was I was about to write has been perhaps permanently erased from my memory, completely annihilated by the discovery that Leonard Cohen is going on tour.
Seeing that, I couldn't breathe for like 10 seconds. Then I scanned the venue list and my conniving sanity returned, because I of all people haven't a passport, and right now only European and Canadian dates are listed. Breathe. OK. It says August dates will be listed soon... surely, surely, he'll play somewhere in a 1000... ok 2000 mile radius? Surely he was thinking of me specifically when he designed his tour?

Ok, did a little research, and unless my info is outdated, if you drive into Canada, you don't need a passport. Passports are for when you fly. Plane tickets to Northern US+ show tickets + rental car + hotel + gas +foodandsuch = I don't give a damn I want to see Leonard Cohen. A lot of the shows are sold out and if they're not it's because they're not on sale yet, so I'm going to end up facing the dilemma of do I go ahead and take what I can get, or wait and hope he comes nearer. Those with experience, please advise. I'm going to leave this here for now, else I'll write about it for hours.

In other news, I've finished my first month at work. Everyone I interact with is almost creepily nice; my co-worker time is predominantly spent with Carolynn, the previous coordinator for the study who's moving on to another one, and the Psychiatrist for whom I'm working, Dr. Taylor. Carolynn is a saint, insanely patient with my never-ending questions, and happy with the speed with which I'm learning.  She's got a strong Native American heritage, and is very... Carrboro. She works 10 hr days 4 days a week so she take Wednesdays off to paint (very talented) and meet with her writing group. Dr. Taylor happily discusses Lost theories, also eagerly awaits the April premiere of BSG, and the only sharp word he's said to me has been to make sure I turned in my my one-day-on-the-pay-period timecard, even though it was late, after I offered to just let it go because of the paperwork hassle. Seriously, people. Did I luck out or what? Benefits package rocks, if I were to stay with Duke they'd cover Joss' college tuition (up to 15k a semester),  and there are a zillion little perks I couldn't begin to list. For the first time ever, I don't dread going to work in the morning.

I spend half my time sitting in my office listening to pandora, pilfering through databases organizing reports, entering subject answers to questionnaires,  or contacting subjects to be in the study. The rest of the time I'm taking the subjects  through the various stages of the study-- to the MRI lab, the psychiatrist's office, and soon I'll consistently be running them through 2 1/2 hour memory and cognition tests. Since I'm dealing with elderly depressed people, these tests are kind of stressful to them. Each knows their memory isn't what it used to be, and asking them to repeat 100 word stories verbatim 10 minutes after I've read it to them, tends be upsetting them when they can't do it. I'll have to resist the urge to say "It's ok-- nobody ever remembers the entire story, these tasks are really hard, don't feel like you're failing, please, really this stuff is impossible...." because comments like that can set up a bias, an expectation of failure, that interferes with their results. I just hate to see people suffer, especially when they're already depressed and are going to internalize a stupid memory test into how they somehow aren't worthwhile.

I practiced on my dad last week, warily, fearing to find him slipping, since he's constantly losing things more than the average bear. But dammit, he was spitting out answers faster than I could write them down, kept track of the stories and geometric patterns better than I could, and it was wonderful. When asked to write a sentence, he even wrote, "I love you very much, Jenny" which I think may be the sweetest thing he never actually said to me. That was a nice day. :) (As a side note, I also practiced on Joss, and though his memory is child-like perfect, he really struggles with language production. I was more impressed that he sat still so long).

The only drawback is that I feel like I have zero time. Leaving around 7:45 gets me to work 8:45, and leaving around 5:45 doesn't get me home until about 7. I'm getting into the swing of things, but I'm asleep before 11 now and I feel incredibly old through the whole ordeal. The time change isn't helping. I'd always thought that getting out of school would return to me some kind of social life, but it isn't really happening. I am however getting more time with Joss, and we've been getting along a LOT better than the immediate post-graduation time frame. Perhaps that he's completely kicking my ass on a daily basis at this Tony Hawk 5 business has something to do with it. Makes him feel obligated to be nicer to me after he shit talks through 5 landslide trick-attack victories. Eh, whatever works. He also has a new teacher that is, by far, the coolest and best teacher he's had yet. I think there's hope yet, that he may indeed get out of the fourth grade.

Ever start writing and then just completely not feel like writing anymore? That's me right now. No clue why. So briefly:

1. I have every intention of insinuating myself into Amanda's wedding planning, because should I ever marry, I have every intention of going to Vegas. Vicarious wedding planning is good enough for me.

2. Again, watch the Wire. You know who you are.

3. I have an office. Like, my very own office. This is my first, and I find it wonderful and exciting. Also, I haven't the slightest idea how to decorate an office on a budget, and would very  much welcome ideas. It's small, like 9 x 12 or something, with off white walls, 3 shelves, and an L shaped desk. Help me, it's kind of sad in there.

4. Really really not feeling the writing. Weird.

Love.

Comments

[Mike]

Pictures, love, lots of pictures. Get a thousand colored tacks and tack them up.

And artwork from Joss if he's into that. Cutout quotes are good too. There's a good one from Jack London I've got up on my wall: "The proper function of man is to live, not to exist." A little kick in the head when you're looking around for an answer.

Love you, so glad you're doing what you're meant to do...and that you're happy doing it.

[Amanda]

Yeah! New Posts! I miss you! I need someone to rescue me from my pre-wedding burn out! Also, I am joining a gym and I need moral support.
Also, in your office, you need a rug. It makes a world of difference.